Stop doing commissions, you always get backed up because of some emotional baggage or other stupid shit and refund people. Obviously you love art, but you do not have the discipline to make it your job. Why not just draw for your sake and stop this roller coaster of emotional crank yanking?

Enough.

I’ve caused my own issues.

But please don’t spew shit when you have no clue of my situation and it’s entirety.

(This probably the most TMI I will be period.)

This is a PayPal capital Loan.
There are no monthly or weekly payments if you are approved for it.
BUT, depending on how big of a fee you choose to pay directly to PayPal.
A larger or smaller percentage of each sale made immediately goes to repaying that loan.

In my case, it’s 30% every single commission. (Small or Large)

Here is that (my) history from the last 10 months.
(September 2017) during saving + moving preparations to now. (July 2018)

(the First loan was to see how it worked, paid back immediately, The Second loan was to get this house in the first place with the help of commissioners and a mutual because I didn’t have a valid enough proof of income to get the place myself. Had to pay several months worth of rent upfront alongside the security deposit. The Third loan was to catch up on bills that piled up due to my fuck up/not working more and refund others.)

All that remains is $277 on the last loan. Then done.

I’ve been working the last several months to almost a year now with this clutch.

Which has made the many times I’m not drawing enough, having to refund or pay for any repairs on anything, a bigger loss and much more work than it would normally be otherwise for anyone. (More commissions than needed because any payments received are cut almost in half.)

Besides this entire thing being a matter of exhaustion/getting a breather, wanting to polish and expand my own content.

I’m making the choices now because what issues that were major problems both emotionally and financially have been resolved or being lifted. (The last bit being Paypal Capital and Backlog)

I know that I am taking things slow now. (and as they should be.)
I didn’t handle working with such pressure well while dealing with emotional problems. (I mean, can’t say I’m personally keen on dealing well or being  mentally prepared when it comes to the life of my own parent being a major part of that. I refuse to get into that.)

I have no reason to or want to work with such a clutch again.

It was/still is a big fucking annoying handicap.

But I sure as hell can and have worked damn decently when there’s nothing hampering what or who I choose to work on and how I choose to work on it.

And that should be less of an issue now with that weight off my back.

(And just to give some numbers using May for example since it was the most recent and not entirely rocky Month: What is usually finished on a normal schedule and WITH the 30% Paypal Fee removed, that would be a $1.2k difference rather than losing $1.2k. An amount I can comfortably use to refund others without doing more than necessary to cover them and still pay my rent & bills month by month until everyone has gotten their refund or artwork.)